By Mary Norris
Please take a moment to hear my cautionary tale
Since you won’t find it on Netflix or Google
It’s for your benefit, my friends —
Readers of The Park Bugle!
It was last October, on a crisp Fall Morning
While at the library
I was just daydreaming and actually,
Feeling a bit solitary
Okay, honestly, I was secretly wishing for a New Lover
Nothing kinky — maybe a scientist at the U —
or someone working undercover — ?
Oh yes! Someone mysterious would be exciting
Not ordinary — maybe he’d be ultra-rich — Ooohhhh — like a stock broker?
He’d be intriguing and handsome — and looked good even in low lighting
But how was I to know — I’d soon be channeling Bram Stoker?!
I just wanted a companion for a romantic nighttime stroll
Or someone who was well-read
I certainly hadn’t planned on negotiating for my soul
Let alone becoming a member of the Undead!
Later in the evening, on that same crisp Fall Day
Almost like out of thin air —
Suddenly standing before me — my New Lover appeared —
From out of nowhere!
I felt underdressed on our first date when we met-up
With him in that black cape and formal get-up
He seemed so Gothic and yet very chic
Not to mention his pronounced widow’s peak!
Well-mannered and cultured — he truly seemed quite the Gent
And ohmygosh WHAT — ?!? Even a Transylvanian accent!
I asked if he lived around here — in Saint Anthony Park
He smiled, winked and said “I do like Milton Square…after dark.”
I hoped we’d hit it off — I never believed in any spooky old wives tale —
I was a modern gal, who just liked working retail
However, with my love for vintage and retro cool —
He truly appealed to me when he said “I was born in 1431. How’s that for old school?”
I kinda thought I’d dig this new romance that seemed ‘Twilight-style’
But all that living-at-night stuff — it could get old after a while
I preferred Jazz — not sounds of ‘the children of the night’
I liked sunny days — he wanted picnics by moonlight
Our courting was fun — so maybe we could take it slow and cozy
Although, I have to admit he reminded me a bit of Bela Lugosi
And sure, he was quirky — ordering a Bloody Mary way too often
And insisting he sleep in that RIDICULOUS old coffin!
My family and friends thought him a bit odd and scary
It should have been my first clue — always hanging out
In the cemetery
And oh that smile! I’d never seen such white and perfect
Dental canines
He was so charming, yet I became a bit alarmed —
I may have seen his type on an episode of Dateline!
Could he be The Prince Of Darkness?
Well, you know me, ever the skeptic
Of course I ignored all the red flags
And simply refused to accept it
Truly, I felt self-centered and petty — because I have my own flaws
I really did try — but I just couldn’t look past those fangs and claws!
I remember when I asked him “Are you cursed?”
He laughed it off and quickly changed the subject
To October thirty-first
It was on Halloween Night he said with fiendish delight
“You could be my bride. I just need to take a little bite.”
I was caught off-guard
He said it so sweetly — and so polite
Foolishly I’d said “Ah, what the heck!”
Now in hindsight, realizing why all he ever wanted to do was neck!
My friends, heed these warning signs when looking for a soul mate
Because it was my tragic and final mistake — when I gave in that once — too often
And must accept my Eternal Fate
Because now we BOTH have to sleep in that RIDICULOUS old coffin!
Editor’s note: Mary Norris, the owner of Yes!Yes! vintage retail shop in Milton Square, recently took time to pen this poem (posted above) with Halloween coming soon.